Tonic for the week

                                                      

Owing to current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Govt has decided to 

implement a scheme to put workers aged 50 yrs & above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating 

jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program 

 (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program 

(System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice & SCREWED as many times as the Government deems fit.

Persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES 

(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED further by the Govt.

Persons who are not RAPED & are staying on, will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) 

as possible. The Government has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, 

who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, 

The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.