The perils of Bolehsia

MARCH 22 - President Obama and Hilary Clinton, his secretary of state, were in the Oval Office discussing steps that needed to be taken to enhance the bilateral ties between the US and Bolehsia.

"Well, what do you think, Mr President?" asked Hilary.

"Well Bolehsia needs our help in trade, investment and technology transfer. Perhaps we should send a special envoy to help facilitate this. The question, Hilary, is who do we send? We have to take into account Bolehsia's special circumstances and its unique value system," said the President.

"Well Mr President as you know, Bolehsia ranks in the bottom quartile in terms of gender equality when compared to the rest of the world although two thirds of its college graduates are female. Also they have strict laws governing sex outside of marriage where Muslim women can be sentenced to syariah caning if caught. So I don't think we can send a woman", said Hilary.

"Hmm, that's a shame," said the President. "That rules out half of the possible potential candidates for the job. So it's a man then. What sort of man should we send to Bolehsia?"

"Well sir, we have to be mindful of their race and religious issues. They have an affirmative action policy that gives preference to the majority race in all aspects of society. So we need a man who understands, and to a certain extent, accepts racism", said Hilary.

"So what are you suggesting, Hilary, someone from the Ku Klux Klan?" said the agitated President.

"Well, sir, that may not be enough. The man should preferably also not be a Christian because Bolehsia has a major issue on the translation of the word God. They have a word for it that only they and other Muslims can use, according to them. Oh and also the guy better not be Jewish, they don't like Jews", said Hilary.

"Well can we send an atheist or an agnostic then?" asked the President.

"That's not clear Mr. President. Bolehsia's constitution allows one to practise one's religion but it does not say that if one can have no religion. In fact in recent court cases, a Muslim cannot effectively renounce his or her religion, though there is no express provision in their constitution to prohibit such a thing. What is clear though, Mr President, is that Bolehsia is homophobic and they have strict laws against sodomy and homosexuality. In fact, they have recently been raiding establishments where this apparently goes on," said Hilary.

"But how do they prove it, Hilary? I mean unless there are video tapes or they send some undercover officers in to participate, where is the evidence to convict these guys?" asked the President.

"Well Mr. President, although Bolehsia is a signatory to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, it has done little to implement it in its constitution. Although the principle 'beyond a reasonable doubt' is supposed to be the standard to convict an accused in Bolehsia, the public persecutors, oh sorry I meant to say prosecutors, will prosecute regardless, especially if it is a high profile case. You see, they believe that the judges will be partial to them irrespective of the actual evidence," said Hilary.

"So it looks like we have to send someone who is male, gender biased, homophobic, a member of the Klan who is not too Christian and who does not believe in human rights. Is that what you are telling me Hilary? With all those prerequisites I would be surprised if our guy had any brains at all!" exclaimed the President.

"Oh don't worry about that Mr President, you see, Bolehsia is a fairly corrupt country. All our guy needs to be good at is greasing palms, which works wonders out there. Anyway we can always find out what they are doing from the internet as they are useless at keeping secrets. Lately they exposed to the world that their aircraft engines went missing and that their new submarine can't dive," said Hilary laughing heartily.

"Also, sir", Hilary added "if our guy happens to be a paedophile, he might get away with it in Bolehsia. Apparently it is possible to legally marry a child below the age of sixteen if you are a Muslim over there".

"Honest to God, Hilary, I can't think of anyone who can fit all the requirements you have outlined above. I can't even think of someone who can meet a major part of it" said the President.

"George W. Bush," replied Hilary spontaneously. -- Writer and source unknown/

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Why pay APCO when UMNO can have BUSH FOR FREE?

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