Thursday, April 25, 2013

Ubah Ark


In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Malaysia, and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints,saying ..... "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I start the un-ending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but with no Ark.
"Noah .....!" He roared,
"I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord", begged Noah, "but things have changed.
"First I need to have a 
BUMIPUTRA PARTNER who is linked to UMNO.
Then I need a 
building permit from DBKL and I also have to pay under-counter money to get the permit . Then I've been arguing with the BOMBA inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. 
"My neighbors complained to 
The Malay Utusan about the height of the Ark I was going to build and the next day it was in the media headlines claiming that I've violated the neighborhood building by-laws - that my Ark exceeds the height limitations.
"I appealed to the 
magistrate and it was finally approved."
"The Opposition took advantage of the situation and said I was a government crony and did 
nasty things with my face on the Internet. I don't know how they super-imposed my face on a naked body of a MP and put it on YOUTUBE.  Oh Lord, only you who are all-knowing, know that I had nothing to do with these MPs.
"Then there was another stop-work order even before I could start work.
The 
Badan Cegah Rasuah arrested me for pornography. I talked to a lawyer
who looks like 
Amitabh Bachan, talks like him, acts like him but is not him.
He said he knows the 
Chief Justice and the Prime Minister, the Apa Nama and can clear my name but I have to buy them air tickets to Australia.
"After clearing my name ... I had to go to the 
DBKL Appeal Board again for a decision to allow me to build the Ark.
"The government, after approving the plans, said I must use only 
SIRIM-approved goods and must only buy from their list of CLASS F contractors which are 15 times more expensive than the Normal hardware shop.
"Then the 
TNB and JPJ demanded a bond be posted for future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us but they laughed and would hear nothing of it.
"Getting the wood was another problem. SUHAKAM and the JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA said there's a ban on cutting local trees to save the orang utan.
I tried to convince 
SUHAKAM and JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA that I needed the wood to save the orang utan – but they said no go.
"When I started gathering the animals, JAKIM and an Animal Rights Group sued me. 

"JAKIM 
said I cannot put the chickens and the pigs next to each other as it WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED HALAL and the Animal Rights Group insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued that the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel
and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
"Then 
JABATAN KERJA RAKYAT AND JABATAN KAJIAN dan GALIAN ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they had conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how
 many bumiputra contractors I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. "JABATAN IMMIGRASI and RELA are checking the status of most of the people who want to work.
"The 
trade unions say I cannot use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience.
"As I started to clear the area to build the ark,
  6 gangsters came and demanded protection money. They said they control the area for selling drugs and prostitution to my workers.
"When I complained to the 
POLICE... the IGP of POLICE sent an ASP
who came in full uniform the next day. Unfortunately
he also happened to be one from the six gangsters who demanded protection money. They doubled my protection fee.
"Then there was a by-election and I was forced to be an 
UMNO member in order to get my permits approved and I was made to pay a donation by the Barisan candidate in the so called spirit of MUHIBBAH. Otherwise, he will make my life difficult."Every department I turned to is asking for what they call, 'Kopi Wang'.
"I calculated that if I had to pay all the '
Kopi wang' and give the donation,  the cost of building the ARK will be 20 times higher. I refused to give them the Kopi Wang as I am faithful to you, Oh Lord. "Then some top level politicians were very disappointed with me for not giving donations and called me a murtad but I told them my name is Noah not murtad.  They got very angry and said they have connections.
"Suddenly, I am a suspect behind the murder of the 
Mongolian lady because the place  where she was murdered happens to be on the land where I am going to build the Ark. So I was arrested.
"To make matters worse, the 
Jabatan HASIL seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. I have just been released from ISA. 
"So, forgive me, Lord,
 but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" 
"No," said the Lord. "The Current BN Government is already doing it for me!
AT GE 13, you have better vote for a CHANGE! Or else your life will be forever destroyed!”
 

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